I feel like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies took liberties with the minor characters, but all in all it’s a good project and I wanted to contribute.
This is a short work and I will post it all here. Familiarity with Pride and Prejudice will help, but I think the only necessary background is that all these ladies live in a countryside full of zombies.
There was no word yet that morning of Jane, who had caught cold at Netherfield and retired to the hospitality of Mr. Bingley and his sisters. Mrs. Bennet was in rapture at the inevitability of Mr. Bingley’s falling madly in love with the invalid.
Elizabeth was, though exposed to the same facts, not so sanguine. She took the long-hafted axe from the poker stand in preparation for a visit. ‘Mother, if she expires at Netherfield it would take only the barest graze to raise her as a hungering shambler. It would be disgraceful for us to decline to offer assistance in such an eventuality.’
‘And so what if she rises?’ shrilled Mrs. Bennet. ‘Perhaps Mr. Bingley likes his women quiet. -Don’t think you are taking the carriage to spirit two silly daughters back from Netherfield!’
In the face of such coldness Elizabeth could only be cold herself. ‘I would not dream of it, Mother. If your so callously disposed of daughter should shuffle out to meet us, it would not do to risk the horses.’
The day was fine, and the countryside showed to advantage. Elizabeth walked free for once of her mother’s hysteria and her father’s torpor, and began in fact to think the hospitality of Netherfield a fine thing, provided it did not unduly tax a pair of ladies who were clearly unaccustomed to the posthumous menace of country circles.
Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst greeted her effusively and exclaimed much over the hardships of the three miles’ walk. It was of little account to Elizabeth, who had long ago resolved to be able to outrun any zombie who might again misinterpret the concept of a consuming love of the book she was carrying.
So she took their greetings with what grace she could. ‘I could not impose on your neighbourly goodwill so much as to demand you do the necessaries to my unfortunate sister.‘
But Jane was very much alive, if faint and much better off inside warm bedding. Elizabeth, much relieved, surrendered her axe to her hostesses and danced doting attendance on her sister until nightfall.
(As a bonus, here is a short scrap that was never placed in context!)
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